I have been thinking about writing on the ‘Rape’ issue and the male psyche for quiet some time now but somehow had been postponing. Just a day back a close friend who was really disturbed about reading about more rapes in the newspaper suggested I write on the issue and shared her experience too. Today being the Women’s Day, I thought I will write about Indian Men and their psyche and Rape.
Foremost we must accept that rape is not something that happens in lower strata of the society. It is there in so-called high society too. Upbringing of a boy, the way his father, uncle or brother treats women are dominant factors that shape up a man. I will write about my experiences. Yes I was part of the group in high-school that passed nasty comments on girls. I may not have uttered the remarks but I was part of them and made no attempt to dissuade the guys indulging in it. I passively participated in the so-called ‘eve-teasing’. But as I grew and matured, I definitely made it a point to snub the guy passing lewd remarks on women at work place or at night-outs.
The so-called high society men are as lecherous and lustful as that bus driver and his friends that raped and killed Nirbhaya. I have seen them and heard them at nightclubs and lounges. Once few drinks are down the lust gets ignited and all they do is eye girls whom they can possibly bed. Why do you think the city’s clubs and lounges do ‘Expat – Nite’? Just for the fact that it will attract Desi men in droves. Yes Indian men think a ‘Gori’ or a ‘Firang’ girl is easy game. But truth is that they aren’t. I have often spotted a ‘firang’ slapping a guy and creating a scene when he tries to grope her or indecently touch her. Indian girls shy away from this but they shouldn’t.
We may complain about the mindset of our cops who still believe that a girl in short-dress is inviting rape. But what about our mindset? Isn’t it the same? You see an unaccompanied single girl or a group of girls dressed in ‘short-dresses’ and having a good-time in a club, invariably you’ll see hordes of men hovering around. Often I have overheard – “saali akele naach rahi hai; game hai”.
Married men are the worst. I don’t know why they are such Thadkis? Even if they are, why can’t they satiate it at home or if the wives are leaving them dry, they can easily take a trip to Bangkok. Undeniably the most lecherous men of Delhi’s high-society are married. Moment they get some space from their wives or say the wife is out-of-town, these men go berserk. And they think money can woo girls. I wanted to do a list of Delhi’s Top Lecherous Men around 2012 Year-End but I gave it a miss because of the horrible Nirbhaya gangrape incident and the prevalent mood then.
Changes in law, sensitising of cops can only achieve little. It’s on US MEN to effect the change. If next time you are around men passing lewd remarks on women, make it a point to stop them. If you see a guy bothering a girl in a club, be MAN enough to stop that thadki and yes make your son(s) respect women. I am not sermonising, I have been practising too. In February while walking back home from a late-night movie with a female friend, I heard a bunch of guys sitting in a car pass a disgusting remark – “Darling Aa Jaa Mere L**D Pe Baith Jaa.” I walked ahead, ensured that my friend was in safe distance and then went back to the guys in the car and took their photos with my phone, the photo of the car’s number plate and went back. While returning after dropping my friend, these guys (3 of them) roughed me up and tried to get my phone but I fought back and called the cops. They were taken in. So what if I get a blow on my face or get roughed-up? It’s a small price for teaching those guys a lesson for passing atrociously lewd remarks on a female friend.
Each of us do this little bit and things will change for sure!