I have been thinking about writing on the ‘Rape’ issue and the male psyche for quiet some time now but somehow had been postponing. Just a day back a close friend who was really disturbed about reading about more rapes in the newspaper suggested I write on the issue and shared her experience too. Today being the Women’s Day, I thought I will write about Indian Men and their psyche and Rape.
Foremost we must accept that rape is not something that happens in lower strata of the society. It is there in so-called high society too. Upbringing of a boy, the way his father, uncle or brother treats women are dominant factors that shape up a man. I will write about my experiences. Yes I was part of the group in high-school that passed nasty comments on girls. I may not have uttered the remarks but I was part of them and made no attempt to dissuade the guys indulging in it. I passively participated in the so-called ‘eve-teasing’. But as I grew and matured, I definitely made it a point to snub the guy passing lewd remarks on women at work place or at night-outs.
The so-called high society men are as lecherous and lustful as that bus driver and his friends that raped and killed Nirbhaya. I have seen them and heard them at nightclubs and lounges. Once few drinks are down the lust gets ignited and all they do is eye girls whom they can possibly bed. Why do you think the city’s clubs and lounges do ‘Expat – Nite’? Just for the fact that it will attract Desi men in droves. Yes Indian men think a ‘Gori’ or a ‘Firang’ girl is easy game. But truth is that they aren’t. I have often spotted a ‘firang’ slapping a guy and creating a scene when he tries to grope her or indecently touch her. Indian girls shy away from this but they shouldn’t.
We may complain about the mindset of our cops who still believe that a girl in short-dress is inviting rape. But what about our mindset? Isn’t it the same? You see an unaccompanied single girl or a group of girls dressed in ‘short-dresses’ and having a good-time in a club, invariably you’ll see hordes of men hovering around. Often I have overheard – “saali akele naach rahi hai; game hai”.
Married men are the worst. I don’t know why they are such Thadkis? Even if they are, why can’t they satiate it at home or if the wives are leaving them dry, they can easily take a trip to Bangkok. Undeniably the most lecherous men of Delhi’s high-society are married. Moment they get some space from their wives or say the wife is out-of-town, these men go berserk. And they think money can woo girls. I wanted to do a list of Delhi’s Top Lecherous Men around 2012 Year-End but I gave it a miss because of the horrible Nirbhaya gangrape incident and the prevalent mood then.
Changes in law, sensitising of cops can only achieve little. It’s on US MEN to effect the change. If next time you are around men passing lewd remarks on women, make it a point to stop them. If you see a guy bothering a girl in a club, be MAN enough to stop that thadki and yes make your son(s) respect women. I am not sermonising, I have been practising too. In February while walking back home from a late-night movie with a female friend, I heard a bunch of guys sitting in a car pass a disgusting remark – “Darling Aa Jaa Mere L**D Pe Baith Jaa.” I walked ahead, ensured that my friend was in safe distance and then went back to the guys in the car and took their photos with my phone, the photo of the car’s number plate and went back. While returning after dropping my friend, these guys (3 of them) roughed me up and tried to get my phone but I fought back and called the cops. They were taken in. So what if I get a blow on my face or get roughed-up? It’s a small price for teaching those guys a lesson for passing atrociously lewd remarks on a female friend.
Each of us do this little bit and things will change for sure!
I know some girls in Mumbai who are all fashion designers and they want to work under Delhi designers because they admire them so much, they feel they’ll get to learn a lot and be a part of the most exciting place in the fashion industry. But all of them have one complain, Delhi men! Their families won’t allow them to settle in Delhi and some don’t think it’s worth making that effort if you’re going to be leched at and made to feel uneasy all the time. Safety is a big issue; of prime concern. As you point out, the attitude of men needs to change; who should stop viewing women as sex objects. Too much lust is not a good thing, you need to channel that passion in doing the work that you love, excel at it, your family, service to society or simply your creative pursuits. Sex is not the be all and end all, why do they act like they’re so deprived? What’s wrong with the air there? Rape as we all know is about power and trying to get your way with harm. Sit with a group of women and they’ll all open up about their molestation stories. No one wants to feel like a victim, mindsets must change as you put across in your considerate post. There need to be strong laws like beheading like in the Middle East, yes law and order has to improve. Parents have extra responsibilities these days; be alert throughout to protect their children as much as they can because of the numerous incidents of child abuse and rape. Don’t know when we’ll see progress; it’s an uphill battle.
Laveena you can tell those girls that we will ensure their safety here. The fashion fraternity is very safe here.
I cant thank you enough for this post.Really THANK YOU!!
It’s not the fashion fraternity Laveena is talking of, but the men those girls will encounter on the streets, in clubs, in malls, even sales assistants in stores, everywhere. I went to London recently and told my family I love it there! I love walking and can walk about without the worry of someone teasing me, passing a comment at me, trying to act funny with me. Here in India even walking my dog at times is a pain for the above reason. I had one incident one night where a man tried keeping pace with us and kept turning around and looking and my mum and me(who had gone to drop off a friend at the tube station close to the house) for no reason until I asked him what his problem was. He happened to be Indian.
Nice to know that you like the post.
It was a sincere expression of a man…
I have to say that I’m not Indian and I’ve observed the behaviour of men in Delhi for 7 months and I must say “How dare you?!” To overgeneralise like that in such a negative way is cheap journalism nothing else. This country is filled with more gentlemen than rogues. It’s okay if you wish to talk like that about yourself, but don’t you dare include many of the gracious Indian men I have met since I’ve been here.
Saying that it’s on US men to stop the rape culture is outrageous. It is on every part of society to work together to stop whatever is going on among a small minority of the male population of Delhi. You should be ashamed of yourself for hijacking this issue in order to promote your page.
Dear Overgeneralisation,
hahaah Gentleman in India ?? or can i say particularly abt Delhi…. NO WAy…. atleast i’v nt came across even 1 of them…. and am sure most of the delhi gals wd agree wid me… ppl are so conservative here and in india always a gal is wrong.. and a boy can do watever he want… sick! but tht is the mentality here. sad!!
It’s on us men? what else is on us men? Can’t we live in peace? Few months ago, one of my friends was shot in the knee in Delhi. Three girls were standing there. My friend cried for help. They didn’t even call the police. They just ran away. He lay there bleeding for half an hour. Finally, a TAXI DRIVER found him and took him to the hospital. Why should I give a damn about women when they don’t care about a dying man? You think it’s on us men? Every damned crime has to be fixed by us? In Delhi, where every girl acts as if she is a supermodel straight out of victoria’s ass, what the hell do you expect? Prostitution is illegal here. How the hell do you think those illiterates are going to get a release? If you think you are a rapist its fine by me. I AM NOT. I do not take responsibility for this shit. why should it be a man’s job? In a male population of over 500 million men, only a few rape. You prefer to see those idiots who rape but you neglect the millions who don’t? i have never raped nor am i ever going to rape. who gives you the right to call me a rapist? Indian men and their psyche? why dont you go fuck yourself?
I thank “Overgeneralisation” for at least seeing through this bullshit.